I’m going to give you the distilled version, so we can have fun with the cover.
I mean, what is with that expression? She looks like she’s just seen one of Jessica’s dead boyfriends. Or walked in on Collins and Ms Dalton in the staffroom. Either that or it’s Margo. The deadpan eyes give it away. Anyhow: -
Todd wants to date other people. [At least he’s being up front about it.] He takes up with a hot junior called Peggy, who Elizabeth thinks is silly and frivolous which probably means she is cool and more fun than yours truly.
After about four chapters of Liz moping and sloping around and pretending to listen to Enid prattle on, Liz accepts a date to the 137th school dance of the semester. The lucky sod is Kris Lynch, a cartoonist from the Oracle. Elizabeth is clearly disinterested and using the poor boy as a weapon to get at Todd, which fortunately doesn’t seem to be working.
Kris spends the next fortnight trying to get into Elizabeth’s freshly ironed Bermuda shorts [or are we at the chino stage? It’s 1992, after all]. He also has a tanty, John Pfeifer-style, when she cock-blocks him at Miller’s point. Don’t ask me where Penny Ayala drags up these staff members from.
Anyway, Kris comes to school on Monday with blue balls and a white rose, and Liz is all forgiving. How lovely. I would be insulted myself, given that white roses usually mean death. But whatevs.
Later that day, rumours start flying around that Lizzie lost her V-plates in the back seat of Kris’ Cadillac. She is the laughing stock of the entire school, except for one person……after hearing about Elizabeth’s wild night of passion, Todd wants her back!
This makes me laugh. Poor Todd. He is so hard up.
But that’s not all – mysteriously, Elizabeth’s diary goes missing temporarily for a few days.
In the meantime, Kris starts telling the entire school the “intimate” details of Liz and Todd’s relationship, and all of Enid’s boring secrets that were kept by wondertwin. I wonder how he found all that out?? So to does Liz, the supposed genius of the fucking Wakefield family.
So Liz now has no boyfriend, and no annoying auburn-haired hanger on. She feels very puzzled and alone.
Until Jessica realises what has happened, and goes and forces Kris to fess up to Todd and Enid, and all is forgiven and everyone goes to Guidos and eats pizza like Robin Wilson when nobody’s watching….
I was kind of disappointed by the ending. Surely Jessica could do something slightly more creative and vicious to publicly humiliate Kris? A twin switch wouldn’t have hurt in this situation.
But I will leave you with this, a quote from Lila Fowler: “Just the idea somebody reading MY DIARY gives me the creeps”.
Wait, Lila has a secret diary? Magna edition, anyone? What I wouldn’t give to read that.
But let’s get on with the memes:
If you also want to mock Liz head over to
to make your own captions.
Love you long time, Winston.