Murder in Paradise

29 Jun

Imagine I’m a well-regarded journalist, and this is a reputable newspaper. You know, like Elizabeth Wakefield and her regular column in The Oracle. Because the shit that went down in this Super Thriller is seriously newsworthy.
MURDER IN PARADISE

Crazed Transplant Surgeon

Almost Ruins Perfect

Family

Above: Lila Fowler and Jessica Wakefield working on their tans at Paradise Spa

Above left: Elizabeth Wakefield captured by CCTV footage as she attempts to track down her missing mother.

From the outside, Paradise Spa Health Retreat was a safe haven, a luxurious escape from life in sunny California, where young women could be pampered in five star comfort, enjoy clean living for a weekend or even putt a couple of holes on unspoiled greens.

But inside lurked a hidden danger, a woman so obsessed with beauty that she would do anything – even murder – to achieve perfection among herself and her staffers.

Tatiana Mueller’s crazed obsession dates back to her days at Sweet Valley University, where she became infatuated with fellow college attendee Alice Wakefield. After graduating from medical school in the mid 70s, she devoted her life to cosmetic surgery in the hope that she could one day become the owner of Mrs Wakefield’s face. In the interim, she established a cult among employees at Paradise Spa, perfecting her craft by performing face transplants on wayward teens who would then work for her and become complicit in her exploits.

It was from these illusory environs that a mother-daughter group of Sweet Valley residents rescued late yesterday was lucky to survive.

Alice Wakefield thought luck was on her side when she received a phone call late last week from Paradise Spa offering her an all expenses paid luxury holiday with her twin daughters and three other friends. She, along with daughters Jessica and Elizabeth, and friends Grace and Lila Fowler and Enid Rollins, had enjoyed three days making the most of yoga, facial treatments and all the perks the spa had to offer.

Dr Mueller’s devious work began to unravel when cluey twin Elizabeth discovered the body of a former employee known only as Katya. It is believed this poor young girl, plucked from unattractiveness by Dr Mueller and given a lifeline, was brutally murdered by the surgeon after threatening to tell the Wakefield family the truth about Paradise Spa.

Dr Mueller is said to have told Fowler Memorial Hospital that Katya had a heart condition and thus would not require an autopsy. Forensic pathologists from the hospital will face questioning over claims of negligence.

Following this cruel act, Dr Mueller allegedly lured Alice Wakefield into her private surgery – a state-of-the-art facility with photos of the attractive blonde plastered on every wall – and began hypnosis.

Fortunately, the twins and disgruntled employees tracked down Dr Mueller and her team of surgeons before Alice’s face could be removed.

Police allege that as they handcuffed Dr Mueller, she lapsed into a delirious stream of conscience, claiming that she was once “ignored” and “ridiculed” by Mrs Wakefield, and that other students “flocked” to this “golden girl.”

Dr Mueller will face Sweet Valley local court on Tuesday and will not be released on bail.

The family was available to speak to the Tribune in the early hours of this morning.

Said daughter, Jessica Wakefield: “I was getting over the macrobiotic thing anyway. I could just die for some fries and a milkshake at Casey’s. Also, will this be on the front page?!”

Todd Wilkins, Elizabeth’s relieved boyfriend, commented, “I’m just so glad to have Liz back. I know this is the thirteenth time she’s cheated on me in our junior year, but she is the wholesome twin, after all. I’m sure she was just missing me.”

Also glad of the escape was Enid Rollins, Elizabeth’s friend who, feeling vulnerable after a recent relationship breakdown, was the subject of one of Dr Muller’s evil attempts to brainwash and reconstruct visitors to Paradise spa. Said Ms Rollins: “I just got so jealous of my sized six, blonde-haired friend and her equally attractive family. Now I realize that I need to accept my unfortunate looks and be grateful she even acknowledges my presence.”

Elizabeth is said to be part of a taskforce aiming to harness the technology Dr Mueller created and use it in the treatment of burns victims and survivors of war.

Alice Wakefield regrets that she only vaguely remembered Dr Mueller from SVU: “Perhaps, had I paid her more attention instead of whoring it up at the Theta house while my boyfriends called her ‘Tatty Mule’ this whole thing could have been avoided.”

It is a chilling tale, and today we remember those who died in a quest for beauty, and those who were fortunate enough to be born in a sun-streaked blonde-haired, size six body.

Above: Tatiana Mueller, whose quest to transplant Ms Wakefield’s face remains unfulfilled

Winston Egbert,

Sweet Valley Tribune

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2 Responses to “Murder in Paradise”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Chapter 10, “Have You Heard About Elizabeth,” or, “Karen’s Big Weekend” « WHAT WINSTON SAW - October 1, 2010

    […] Enid smiled back. “I’ve always had the motto, Margo,” she began, “That if you cant join ‘em, become them!” She thrust a business card into Margo’s hand. On the front was a hideous redhead. “This is Tatiana Mueller. She’s a transplant surgeon. She’s just escaped from jail, and is back running Paradise Spa. Tatty can take anyone’s face and implant it on anyone else’s – she’s been after Elizabeth’s mum’s …. […]

  2. The Wakefields get duped again: SVH Super Thriller “A Stranger in The House” « WHAT WINSTON SAW - January 9, 2011

    […] you look closely, there is a photo of Jess and Lila at Paradise Spa, taken from the cover of “Murder in Paradise.” Up here for self-referentiality, […]

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