Archive | July, 2010

Are You Team Winston Egbert?? It’s Giveaway Time!

25 Jul

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Photographs and Memories….

19 Jul
In the midst of all this snarking, I can’t help but get more than a little sentimental about my favorite book series. Because lets face it: if I hadn’t grown up around [?in] Sweet Valley, I would probably be doing other things – like studying – on a Monday night rather than sitting on the Sweet Valley Confidential facebook page or trying to win a “Team Jessica” t-shirt or re-reading “Ms Quarterback.”
So tonight, I’m taking a trip down memory lane. I’ve signed up to the Sweet Valley Super Fan page and read the first chapter of Sweet Valley Confidential, due for release in March 2011. I’ve read my BSC prequel, “The Summer Before” and shed a couple of tears over Mary-Anne’s 11-year-old angst.
And now I’m giving you the classic moments from my junior year at Sweet Valley High.

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Danny is not your friend and he doesn’t want your help or Sweet Valley Twins #40, Danny Means Trouble

15 Jul

Before the shoulder pat, Saint Liz practised the “Creepy Peer From Afar” maneuver

Danny Jackson is a rebel. For one, his name sounds like that of a T-bird, or someone out of West Side Story. We know he is bad not only because he cuts Julie Porter’s hair and pokes fun at Ms Arnette, but because Jessica thinks he is hilarious, and Elizabeth is concerned about his welfare.

Unless you are Ellen Riteman or a like-minded moron, you will figure out by about chapter three that the reason Danny Jackson plays up is because he can’t read.

Elizabeth, of course, is onto it.

Hmm… I wonder why every time Danny is asked to read he makes a joke or pretends there is a mouse on the floor…AHA! Genius! Now I have an excuse to judge him and meddle in his life.

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Jessica Wakefield: Fashion Guru

12 Jul

Like all good ideas, it was born out of a sibling rivalry. You know, like the Jungle Prom, or the Miss Teen Sweet Valley Pageant, or the Margo-Nora contest to kill Jessica first.

On a cold Tuesday evening recently, I went over to my sister’s new place after work, [trying not to mention that the brown-walled bathroom kind of resembles the Hershey Bar]. I guess I was dressed fairly conservatively, in black wide leg pants, a coral blouse and a black cardi. Swap the pants for some chinos and add some barrettes and a lavaliere, and I suppose the outfit may have been slightly Elizabeth-an. Regardless, I was still pretty insulted when my sister gave me the once over and went “I’m so the Jessica Wakefield in this family.” Uh, scuse me? Following a fairly heated argument on the subject, we decided to put it to the test. Between us, we selected the thirteen best Jessica fashion moments of Sweet Valley High proper, and gave ourselves one Saturday morning and $100 bucks to recreate 6 each. Op shops, garage sales and grandmother’s dress up boxes were all fair game.

137 mothballs and a parking ticket later, here are the results:

[The first few belong to my sister]

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You’ve Just Been Winston-ed! Or #34, “Forbidden Love”

7 Jul

On first glimpse, I thought the cover art must have been Maria’s parents. Michael looks like Charlie Sheen. Maria looks drop dead HAWT but a little on the skinny side. Also, is that a barrette? Maria, I thought better of you!

We begin at 137 Calico Drive, where Jessica is gushing about the recent engagement between Michael Harris and Maria Santelli, whose families have been feuding for 4 years over some failed business partnership of which the details are rather sketchy. Liz has a furrowed brow and is worried about this “enormous mistake”, so we should know already that the marriage is DOOMED. “A nice guy – but a husband?”

Next thing, its cheerleading practice, and Maria is swearing vapid floozies like Amy Sutton and Lila Fowler to secrecy over the engagement, because the Santellis would flip if they found out about her sleeping with the enemy. Good luck with that.

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SWEET VALLEY REPEATS ITSELF!

2 Jul

Apparently Fran-Pasc’s ghostwriters were subscribers to the school of thought “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” In fact, they realized that if a story worked in one series, why not repeat it in another? And so we ended up with SVH#72, “Rock Star’s Girl” and SVT#55 “Brooke and Her Rock Star Mom” which are so freaking similar that I got some serious de ja vu…

“Brooke and Her Rock Star Mom” Courtesy of Amazon

“Rock Star’s Girl” Courtesy of Shannon’s Sweet Valley High Blog

SVT# 55 BROOKE AND HER ROCK STAR MOM SVH#72 ROCK STAR’S GIRL
PUBLISHED January 1992 February 1991
Central Character [to be relegated to third tier after this book] Brooke Dennis Andrea Slade
Rock Star Parent Constance “Coco” Gray Jamie Peters
Album Hot Coco Pride
Reason for being in Sweet Valley [centre of the universe] Brooke moved to Sweet Valley earlier in the year with her dad. Her mother, Mrs Gray, has been busy becoming a pop star in France [Fran-Pasc’s fave city] and has a new hubby and baby. She has moved to SV to be some semblance of a parent to her daughter. [maybe she will take parenting tips off Nalice??] Andrea moved to Sweet Valley with her Dad, who wanted a break from rock star life. They live on a massive property near the Morrow/Fowler/Patman estates.
Main Problem Coco’s manipulative agent Bernice wants Brooke and Coco’s new family to be kept a secret, as it could ruin Coco’s image! Oh no! So while Brooke’s friends at SVMS go “Coco crazy”, she has to hide out at her mother’s hotel and pretend she’s not interested. Also, Bernice bans her from going to her mother’s concert. Are you f#@*ing serious? Andrea wants to keep her father’s identity a secret so people will like her for who she is. Then, when Lila and Jessica hear about Jamie Peters moving to SV, they decide to follow him home and spy on him. And there he is, lounging by the pool at his Spanish-style villa – with Andrea! So of course this means she is his live-in-lover, and Jess/Lila spread rumors around SVH so that Andrea is shunned and dumped by her new bf.
Confides In [Who else??] Saint Liz Saint Liz[Seriously, why does she befriend all the new people for just one book and then move on to a new project once all their problems are solved??]
What Jessica “Joe Jackson” Wakefield tries to get out of it Front row tickets to rock star’s concert. She even starts the first “Coco Crazy” fan club. A dry hump with said rock star
Love interest Colin Harmon Nicholas Morrow [YAY!]
Climax Brooke runs away* Andrea runs away
Solution Rock star phones Liz Rock star phones Liz
Subplot The Wakefield’s threw a party the previous week and try to keep it a secret from Nalice. Of course, when they do own up, there is no punishment because their honesty is oh so admirable. Nice one, Nalice. Lila takes up the marimba and hopes to impress Jamie Peters with it [WTF?]

* fortunately, Jess happens to be at the bus stop as Brooke is making a run for it, so she coerces Brooke into hiding out IN THE WAKEFIELD’S BASEMENT FOR TWO DAYS until Saint Liz can drag her out with some berry pancakes

And another thing….

Nicholas Morrow takes Andrea out on his boat, called “Morning Glory”. THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!! [For die-hards, the boat was actually called “My Favourite Twin” when he was hot for Elizabeth in SVH#18, Deceptions]

When they’re not going Coco Crazy or hiding their friends in the basement, the twins are getting psyched for Aunt Helen’s upcoming visit. Can someone tell me who Aunt Helen is? And where she fits into the whole Wakefield-ancestry thing that we have two whole magna editions devoted to in SVH????

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