The Wakefields get duped again: SVH Super Thriller “A Stranger in The House”

9 Jan

First, allow me a moment of self-indulgence:

In the next two weeks I will packing up and leaving the city I’ve called home for twenty-two-and-a-half years, and moving across the state to a small country town in the sticks. From there, I have ten months to learn emergency and internal medicine in time for the impending medical internship of 2012. But worry not, my friends: this blog will not be abandoned, but will continue to be Winston’s constant creative outlet when ageing surgeons are bastards or the H1N1 epidemic rears its ugly head again. After the eventual triumph of Margo Pike and Karen Brewer, When Lila Met Stacey is on hiatus [turns out those pesky Wakefields are actually kind of necessary.] However, you can look forward to some brand new recaps, encompassing SVT, SVH and, [if I can grit my teeth long enough] SVU. There will be outfit recaps aplomb, and a new parody series in the works. Also – please check out my Sweet Valley Trivia Game Page, to surprise yourself with how much random Sweet Valley crap you actually know. It’s scary.

“A Stranger In The House” [I’m telling you, this guy should hook up with Margo].

Gaa, don’t you hate it when a psycho killer that your dad jailed ten years earlier comes to Sweet Valley under two different guises and convinces both you and your twin that he’s your soulmate?

I sure do!

Of course, we all know that everyone in the universe is obsessed with the Wakefields, so it’s only natural that John Marin would stalk the twins, with a view to wooing them, slaughtering them, and avenging his decade-long captivity.

In case you haven’t read all these books, Ned Wakefield is a specialist in at least 137 different branches of the legal system. We’ve already seen him in action in divorce and family law [the Ricky Capaldo case], criminal law [representing his own daughter after her DUI charge] and civil law [weighing in on the Patman/Fowler football field ownership dispute].

Of course, he still has time to run for mayor and be a devoted father. Not devoted enough, apparently, because while working in prosecution a decade ago, he only managed to put double-murderer Marin in the clink for ten years. Now, as Marin is freed from Sweet Valley jail on rather lofty parole conditions, Ned remembers the killer’s final words: “Your precious little girls will never be safe again!” Mwah ha ha!

Here is John Marin, just days before his release:

I am amused that he got scissors in jail. Also that he was allowed to tape myriad photos of the twinkies to his cell wall, and nobody thought to give him a psych consult.

If you look closely, there is a photo of Jess and Lila at Paradise Spa, taken from the cover of “Murder in Paradise.” Up here for self-referentiality, Fran-Pasc.

Our story is set during the 11th summer after junior year, and the twins have started a new waitressing job at the Marina Café. Of course, they are brilliant at it. When a handsome scholar called Ben Morgan* puts the moves on Elizabeth, she finds herself cheating on Todd AGAIN. But it’s okay, you guys – she’s met her soulmate! I find it hard to believe that a guy who was jailed at 18 and probably hasn’t seen a book since is charming the pants off St Liz with his deep insights into 19th century literature. Also, he has enough money to buy a sixteen foot yacht, which he calls “The Emily Dickinson”.

Jessica, meanwhile, has forgotten poor old Ken Matthews, and is wrapped up in Scott Manderlake* a trendy TV intern who offers her a spot in his miniseries. [What is a television intern? Please enlighten.]

*Actually John Marin

Marin, meanwhile, is having a ball toying with the twins. First he pulls a Margo and picks the lock on the Wakefield’s front door so he can get into Elizabeth’s secret diary. Then he rocks into Jessica’s world in a red Mazda Miata, [one of the most overused hot-person cars in this series] and he begins to plot the twins’ murder, which he will carry out on a boat. Marin, marine…it’s all in the name. My favorite is when he crouches in the bushes at Calico Drive, fantasizing about Alice in one of Jessica’s miniskirts. He even takes some photos, the perve!

On Saturday night, while Liz is moonlighting on a yacht with her literate lover “Ben”, Ned and his detective pal Cabrini finally tell Jessica about John Marin. “But Dad!” is her reply on seeing the mug shots. “I’ve been dating this guy ALL WEEK!”

If only the twins were still doing the job of the SVPD at the Sweet Valley News, dammit!

Finally, the A team hijacks a coast guard boat and rescues St Liz, just as Marin is arching his glittering knife through the air. Marin is initially reported to have drowned, but there’s a twist – he somehow gets back to the Wakefield’s, drugs Prince Albert and slugs Ned. But finally, we get a window-push, and Marin is handcuffed and transported to prison. The real police have yet to be called. But hey, who needs ‘em. Of course, Todd forgives the cheating minx and everyone sits down to a steaming cup of milky cocoa.

And only a week has elapsed.

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10 Responses to “The Wakefields get duped again: SVH Super Thriller “A Stranger in The House””

  1. Daniella January 10, 2011 at 9:52 am #

    First off, good luck on moving for the internship…sounds like it will be intense but exciting! Glad the blog will survive the move 🙂

    I have always found this book wildly entertaining…Ned’s lack of logic in trying to protect the twins is so ridiculous it is hysterical, and once AGAIN Liz meets a soul mate and cheats on Toddy Boy.

    • winstonegbert January 12, 2011 at 8:28 am #

      I always loved Ned’s stupidity too, and good news – I tracked down the ghostwriter responsible for this one, and am working on getting an interview!

  2. sophie January 10, 2011 at 6:02 pm #

    He drugged the dog? LOL. Loved this one – especially for the awful parenting. Doesnt Stephen get sent away somewhere?

    • winstonegbert January 12, 2011 at 8:29 am #

      Yeah Steven does an intership [again] at Daddy’s firm, and Ned decides to send him away – on his first day – for a week long assignment in Sacramento or somewhere. I guess that kept him safe??

  3. Ashola January 10, 2011 at 9:33 pm #

    I always felt that Marin should be played by Stephen Dorff.

    Oh, and that the twins are still idiots.

    • winstonegbert January 12, 2011 at 8:33 am #

      Hell yes. I added a photo to the post.

      • Ashola January 12, 2011 at 9:40 pm #

        Whoo! You rock so hard.

  4. Olive Bell January 13, 2011 at 7:27 am #

    I always loved the fact that Marin clearly saw that the twinkies were far more important to Ned than boring old Stephen, who is never threatened: “You’re precious little girls will never be safe again!”

    In fact, isn’t Ned’s computer password ‘twins’ ?? My god, if I’m right I can’t believe the useless knowledge I’ve accumulated when I could have remembered important things like dates for my history degree …

    • winstonegbert January 13, 2011 at 8:26 pm #

      Wow. They told us his password? You should play the trivia game. I’m stumped!

  5. Sam January 28, 2011 at 9:03 am #

    Good luck with your studying/internship! I actually work in a rural health field and how I spend my break time at work is by checking in to WWS. Good to know that Oz’s health department are filling their brains with all things Sweet Valley! Hope you keep up the website, it’s always entertaining 🙂

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