The one where Enid “The Drip” Rollins reminds us why she got that nickname

29 May

SVH #20 “Crash Landing”

Cover courtesy of Shannon’s Sweet Valley

First of all, apologies for over a fortnight of non posts. In that time I’ve basically gone between my computer screen and Ward Three of my big regional hospital finishing off the final hurdle of my medical degree. Sounds dull, I know. So I thought my latest recap should reflect that – a book about the most droll, kiss-ass character in Sweet Valley history. Enid’s Story would’ve done me in, I’m sure of it [seriously, could they not have published a Margo’s Story? Or a Betsy Martin’s Story?] So instead I bring you the book where the Drip almost gets squished by a light-plane.

Let’s turn to the blurb for a moment, which begins with this ominous warning:

“Terror in the Skies!”

…. Really? I mean, I’m sure it was terrifying and all, but Dripface was in the air for a sum total of about ten minutes.  Reading that got me all excited that Margo was up there on a broomstick or something. Or that Enid was dead, which really got my hopes up.

Enid’s boyfriend, George Warren, is having it off with Robin Wilson behind her back. Robin is now thin, in case you were wondering.

Because he is a man of his word, George decides to take Enid flying in his light plane, before he breaks up with her. Way to go, George. But while Enid is getting all excited about being up in the clouds [I believe her green eyes actually shine at this point], George crashes the plane into Secca Lake and paralyses her.

Well, at least he tried, folks.

While Enid is recovering in hospital and not walking, George gets the guilts and avoids seeing Robin, even though they’re, like, totally in love, people!

But why would George be so noble? What, or rather who, made him relinquish his true love and spend his days making fucking chicken soup for Enid the Drip?

Enter Elizabeth Wakefield, who is of course the first to know about, and disapprove of George and Robin’s little affair. Even though she cheats on her boyfriends 13 times that year, she’s all pissed at George about it:

Elizabeth couldn’t even face how she felt about George right now. All she knew was that she had to help Enid somehow. She had to pray that the operation would help, and she had to pray, however much it sickened her, that George would forget Robin now and give Enid all the love and attention he had.

No offense Liz, where I come from, that is called being a really shitty friend.

Jessica, meanwhile, is a total biatch and decides to ignore Robin and not tell her about cheerleading practice. ‘Cause it’s not like she’s cheated on about 137 thousand different guys that year.  Elizabeth calls Robin a “traitor”, and Jessica calls her an “evil temptress”. THE WAKEFIELD TWINS ARE THE BIGGEST F-ING HYPOCRITES IN THE WORLD.

But how does Robin console herself while George is off with the drip? She eats, of course!  Chocolate cake, and jaffles, and the rest of Cara Walker’s bowl of ice cream. Because now that Liz hates her, there’s no reason to bother dieting, y’all! Her life is over, so she might as well go back to being tubby Wilson. God this book is awful.

Robin begs Liz to meet her for a hot fudge sundae, I don’t really know why but maybe it makes her feel somehow less guilty. Anyway, Little Miss Santcimonious finally agrees to squeeze Robin in [get it?] before her date with Todd. Firstly- should Liz really be meeting her BFF’s OTHER WOMAN? And secondly, get this:

Elizabeth ordered an iced tea. Robin flushed. “I shouldn’t have had a sundae, really. I’ve started to put some weight back on. “

“You look fine to me,” Elizabeth fibbed. As a matter of fact, Robin did look as if she’d gained some weight. But Elizabeth hadn’t come there to make small talk.

Bitch.

Elizabeth decides to pretend nothing is wrong and invites Enid and George over for a dinner party. Yawn. Is it bad that I actually wish Enid and George had brought over some magic mushies? Enid is so pitiful, and George clearly doesn’t want to be there.  Liz of course, is shocked that Enid is still in a wheelchair. It HAS been a whole 30 pages since the crash, you guys!

Also Liz tucks into the chocolate brownies, in case you were wondering. From this I can conclude that the only people who are allowed to cheat on their boyfriends and stuff their faces are Wakefields. Robin, take note.

In the next five scenes, Enid wheels her chair around and waits for George to call and clings to George and feels sorry for herself and reads articles like, “How to Tell If He Doesn’t Love You Anymore.” Drip. Drip. I wish someone would hurry up and turn the tap off…

Liz continues being a shit friend and tries to convince Enid that nothing is wrong and that George is still in love with her.

In the B-plot, Jessica takes up gourmet cooking to impress Jean-Claude, a [married] chef, and she prepares a seafood salad for her parent’s wedding anniversary. In a bizarre display of physiology, the Wakefields actually get food poisoning! Amazing!

Finally the big dance arrives. Of course. Mr Collins and French teacher Nora Dalton “chaperone” together, and are clearly getting it on. Jessica, having failed in her bid to snag a Frenchman, takes Ken Matthews. Liz and Todd double date with George and a wheelchair bound Enid. Enid, fool that she is, encourages George to go have fun and dance with someone. Much to her surprise [wow, she’s even stupider than I thought], he spends the rest of the evening slow dancing with Robin.

Enid finally blows her stack, but when Liz visits her the next day, she has somehow convinced George to stay with her, because “he’s all I have left, Liz.”. Good God. Enid is the most pathetic person on the face of the planet. And be mad at Liz, for fuck’s sake. She’s just prolonging this humiliation.

And now for the twist! Enid’s mother finds out that Enid’s spine X-rays have “confirmed 100% that the operation was successful” and that there is no medical reason why she can’t walk – instead she has some kind of “psychological nerve block.”

I’m laughing. Hard. Mainly because you can’t actually see the spinal cord on X-ray imaging. It’s called you-need- a-fucking-MRI-which-hasn’t-been -invented-yet-cause-its-1985 and even that can’t give you a 100% answer.

But basically Enid is bunging it on in the hope that her pathetic-ness will secure George.

So where does Liz go with this information? To Mr Collins, of course! Interestingly, when she knocks on the door, Nora Dalton opens it  – in an apron! Woot woo! Mr Collins asks her to come in for a threesome listens and nods and agrees to lend Elizabeth his 6 year old son for her master plan to make Enid walk again. Liz invites Enid over to help babysit, and while she’s inside making iced tea, she gets Teddy to pretend to drown. The Drip, without so much as a thought, jumps out of her chair and “saves” Teddy.  Now that she’s overcome her “psychological block” [read: malingering], she suddenly realises that George is Just Not That Into Her. Damn girl.

Enid is mad at no one, and walks again like nothing has ever happened. And once again, Elizabeth Wakefield is hailed as Sweet Valley’s hero by all.

No wonder Jessica runs away in the next book. This place is nuts.

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15 Responses to “The one where Enid “The Drip” Rollins reminds us why she got that nickname”

  1. sophie May 29, 2011 at 3:09 pm #

    You are SO mean to poor Enid. Ha, love it though. Do they actually describe Liz having diaarrhea? THAT would crack me up.

  2. zoe May 29, 2011 at 5:46 pm #

    I remember this one, because Alice and Ned get sooo mad at Jess for poisoning them. I remember thinking, it’s not like she actually meant to poison you guys! And then Jessica tries to cook them a nice dinner again, but Liz buys them tickets to the movies, and they’re all “Oh Liz, your so great” and totally ignore Jessica. You’re right, Liz is a mega bitch. team Jess!

  3. winstonegbert May 29, 2011 at 6:18 pm #

    You’re all so keen on the food poisoning – that was actually my least favorite part of this book. Completely shattered any illusion I had that people do not get sick in Sweet Valley. ‘Cause it’s perfect, dammit!

  4. Daniella May 29, 2011 at 8:31 pm #

    I completely forgot how awful a friend Liz in this book. To not tell your best friend you know her boyfriend is a cheater? And to encourage her to cling to him? To be a bitch to Robin? And let a six-year-old child pretend to drown on the chance it will cure Enid’s malingering? Wow. If anyone ever deserved food poisoning, it’s Liz in this book!

    • winstonegbert May 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

      I know!! The worst was that she did all that and was hailed as some kind of hero at the end. And the fact that Robin was somehow so desperate for Liz’s approval when she was cheating with Enid’s friend? Hate!!!
      Enid should’ve run her over in the chair.

  5. winstonegbert May 29, 2011 at 9:26 pm #

    * Enids boyfriend

  6. Laura Kate May 30, 2011 at 9:45 am #

    I totally should not read this at work. I was shaking with silent laughter at the margo flying by on her broomstick quip. Also – I would actually like to know, is it really only 13 times Liz cheats in the SVH series?? Is this an accurate figure??

    • winstonegbert May 30, 2011 at 3:29 pm #

      Good question – at last count I found 15 guys she’d hooked up with that year, and given that two of them were Todd Wilkins and Jeffery French, I think the other 13 were on the side. I’ve got:Rene Glize [French boy from Perfect Summer]; Luke the Werewolf; Chris [face transplant guy from Murder in Paradise];Bruce Patman [twice]; Ken Matthews [revealed in the Secret Diaries];
      Sam Woodruff [also added in after the fact]; Devon Whitelaw; Nicholas Morrow [this one was borderline – I think they were “just sailing buddies”]; Jamie Galbraith [a pop star in disguise in Malibu Summer];Eric Hankman [On the Run]; John Marin [disguised as Ben someone]; Laurent the French prince [by which stage she’d stopped feeling guilty for cheating]; Joey Mason [Camp Echo Mountain]; Alex “Brad” Parker [Spring Fever]
      ….hang on, that’s 14. 14! And I’m sure I’ve missed a few!

  7. Laura Kate May 30, 2011 at 4:29 pm #

    Devon Whitelaw! I hated him and his emo ways! He makes my top 5 most hated SV characters of all time.
    Luke the werewolf was definitely my favourite one she cheated with. Just because she spent most of the miniseries convinced Jessica was dating a werewolf, and it had that whole awesome pantomime thing “HE’S BEHIND YOU!” element to it. Kudos to the ghost writer for making that last three books.

    • winstonegbert June 1, 2011 at 2:04 pm #

      Haha yes, it’s amazing how those one-book worthy story arcs got stretched out over a miniseries. I might tackle some of them next – maybe the camp echo mountain ones, mainly cause Liz gets her ass kicked

    • Andrea December 4, 2011 at 6:00 am #

      I liked Sevon Whitelaw because he was a sexy-bad boy who shared Elizabeth’s tastes in literature and movies. He is willing to rescue Todd which proves that he is brave and gallant and then he is a liar and a coward in Earthquake special edditions. Gag me further, but in SVU the ghostwriters had Devon get into Jess’s pants to get to Liz. Obviously the ghostwriters and Francine did not do thier homework.

  8. Laura Kate June 1, 2011 at 3:28 pm #

    Lol! I just reread the camp echo mountain miniseries. They don’t write young adult fiction like they used to! Throughout this miniseries I felt a sympathy for Todd, mild hatred for Joey (dumbass) and wanted to wring Nicole’s neck. Also, Maria ticked me off. Jessice did too. My favourite ‘b plot’ of this series was the Lila and Beau thing.

  9. Ann June 3, 2011 at 5:15 am #

    Have you guys seen the new interview with Francine Pascal? Even she doesn’t like Enid:

    http://www.xojane.com/entertainment/sweet-valley-confidential-francine-pascal

    • winstonegbert June 3, 2011 at 8:43 am #

      Oh wow! She’s cooler than I thought. And this:
      “And I spent all that money having her disability cured. Sclepping her to Switzerland or wherever!”

  10. Twisted Sister October 6, 2011 at 11:09 am #

    I hated Enid in Hard Choices. Even though her grandma was drippier than her in the book, I’d never yell at my grandma like that.
    Plus it was all about Hugh, Hugh, Hugh.
    But yeah, she sounds super drippy in this book

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